The Doctor's Room
by Titanic-fanatic
Summary: He watched as this man, a puzzle piece. This seemed the right place for him to be and yet the forms didn't quite match up - a lost piece of blue sky from another puzzle that had somehow found itself in the wrong box. Set end Doctor's Wife first 11 fic!


**The Doctor's room**

"Doctor do you have a room?" Rory asked, his voice and attention being drawn away by Amy as she pulled him up the stairs.

The Doctor paused, waiting until the footsteps and voices had subsided into silence "Oh yes" he smiled to himself. He knew having this conversation with him self was a bit preposterous - Rory was a good few corridors into the Tardis now and most definitely out of Timelord earshot, let alone human. Nether the less talking to one's self was a habit he'd picked up when...

Well, _when _wasn't that important it was just important that _when _happened and that was that. He heaved a sigh, letting his heavy wrists fall into his lap "Was the most wondrous room, so full of live and love and all things right in the universe" he mused aloud, looking up from his twiddling thumbs "Well, it _was_. All gone now...done. Kaput" he concluded, popping the 'p' the way he used to.

"Had the same emptiness in the end, always returns back to that you see...same _quiet_ just me and my old girl!" he rambled, placing a hand to the column. He smoothed the shining metal panel, catching sight of his reflection in the low amber glow of the console room. His face had changed but it was always adorned with the same shadows of memories - isolation and loneliness.

"You know I never liked shiny, or the lighting in here for that matter" he mentioned, dropping his hand but not his gaze.

"Preferred that cerulean, was beautiful that colour...Rory - you should have seen it, when it bathed her face she was glowing...always glowing..." the Doctor explained, jumping to his feet and going to fiddle with a few cable ends.

"Who's her?" the Rory in his head pried.

"Her? Oh the Tardis...yes, of course" he covered unconvincingly. It was a lie and he knew it - even without the telling stammering of his hearts "Old console room that was, the one we were in earlier"

"Back in the old days, when it was all allons-y and bad wolf" he continued, swallowing thickly. Going back into that version of the bridge was an interesting phenomenon. The Doctor felt as though the matter at hand had lost the imperative need to be dealt with - as though Rory, Amy, Idris and House weren't even there and he was in his old pinstripe suit...waiting. It wasn't just an amalgamation of nostalgia and dejavu - it was as though he'd been transported in mind and soul back to those lonely days before Martha and after the void. When he'd lost himself in repairs and his then hazel eyes would catch sight of the doors every so often in the vein hope of Rose bursting through them; her body smiling all pink and yellow at him and ready to run into his arms.

"What's bad wolf?" Rory's voice questioned.

"Oh complicated is what that is. So so...complicated" the Doctor wavered, fusing two wires together with his sonic "Still wouldn't mind it coming back though. Who am I kidding I want it to come back with every fiber of my being" he gritted his teeth as his long awaited transition from denial surfaced "I couldn't just _say_ it could I?" he announced, cursing himself with the tone - he felt as though his chest was constricting and his throat had been roughened with sandpaper the statement coarsen the nerves in his body so "Oh that's been a long time bubbling, since the regeneration perhaps?" he said with a measured tone "No before that" he corrected with a snuff pacing around the console "Flipping morals. Wish you they would have vanished with it to make life a little easier. You see I didn't want to go and it seems that I truly didn't, _that_ part of me must have stuck around - I was so stubborn then, actually that was nine rather than ten but tenth me oh _always_ clinging on and emotionally driven" he considered "Furiously attached to that regeneration I was...am"

"Doctor?" Rory's voice persisted.

"Now that sounded too real, my goodness perfecting the voices in my head - that's a sad old achievement for a sad old man" he chuckled nervously "Clearly I spend and have spent" he lowered his tone "well in past present and future" he leant his head to the side in consideration "devoted too much time to isolation" his eyes widened "Aha! That should do it!" he smirked.

With that everything was lost in a bright blinding light and a torrent of air. The Doctor welcomed it with open arms, literally, a secret hope in his hearts that his tampering had proved fruitful.

"Man alive! Rory how long have you been there?" the Doctor bleated, eyes bursting open to the sight of Rory, _actual_ Rory - not a figment of his imagination (he guessed) looking at him like a rabbit caught in headlights. He was on his knees, looking a bit bewildered up at him.

"Well...since you started talking about wolves really?" he stumbled with a nervous laugh "Sorry... um..." he anxiously paused remembering his reason for returning "Amy and I still have a bunk bed?" he offered as an apology and reason all in one to which he received a raised eyebrow " She sent me" he added.

"Ah, right" the Doctor straightened, adjusting his bowtie "But ladders are cool" he countered however the look on Rory's face caused him to roll his eyes "Alright, I'll sort it"

"Thanks" his friend smiled, rising to his feet. He smoothed down his shirt, hands resting on his hips and eyes beginning to wander "You got it back?"

"Yep" the Doctor agreed, turning with a few steps so that he was beside Rory, surveying his handy-work with a similar stance. He basked in awe of the sight, an old smile he once wore quite often gracing his new features.

"What is it?" Rory interrupted.

"_This _Rory is the Tardis' bridge before Pond and you" the Doctor answered in wonderment.

"It changes?" the human asked.

"Well over 900 years I do get bored" he answered as though it was obvious "kind of a desktop change" he chuckled "Once had it like the helm of a pirate ship now that was fun! In fact once had a ship smash into, oh that was...eventful" he smirked, a hint of sadness tingeing his expression.

"Sounds to me you didn't want it to change" Rory commented, unsure of how the Timelord would react to his eavesdropping.

At that his eyes met that boyish and usually joyous stare but to his dismay and worry a turbulent storm that had been brewing for, what he could only hazard a guess at was, an indeterminable period of time glowered back "Sometimes I don't have a choice" the Doctor clarified - the dark clouds in his stare didn't dissipate however.

Rory swallowed hard as the gaze was maintained for a few seconds before the Doctor began meandering around the console. He watched as this seemingly broken man trailed his fingers along the rim with a displaced sense belonging. As though he was a puzzle piece and this seemed the right place for him to be and yet the forms didn't quite match up - a lost piece of blue sky from another puzzle that had somehow found itself in the wrong box.

"Doctor, it's not just the Tardis is it?" Rory chanced, ignoring the nagging feeling to drop the subject and leave. This time the gaze that hit him was different. So delicate and frail that it looked as though a tear could tear it apart and rupture his entire entity.

The distance now between them made the Doctor feel a little more comfortable, as though he could share his thoughts without the human proximity - this is why he spoke to the Tardis so often, she'd listen and not pass judgement. He knew Rory was cut from the same cloth, ever the comforter but also able to just be there - waiting for Amy for 2000 years was enough proof of that.

"Rory, I change. Like the control room of the Tardis except it's my entire body" he began.

Rory simply stared at him, bewildered.

"When my body is damaged, I regenerate. It's dangerous - the process - and can be harmful to others around me when it occurs"

"Thing is my last body...my last body went through so much, not just pain but _joy_." He grinned picking eying up the blue column before bouncing into the jump seat - it felt a little off in comparison to the memory but he ignored that "So much joy and happiness. It was possibly my most human body - in fact a human version of that body is in another parallel universe at this moment with-"

It hit him then, not only was the shell of him of different dimensions and therefore not offering the same comfort but she wasn't here - balancing the padding distribution. It was hard, less welcoming.

He let his hand fall to his side, going to smooth the leather. As his eyes dropped he caught sight of something most extraordinary - a blue top that he had assumed was lost as the Tardis was ruptured into this regeneration.

Rory watched inquisitively as the Doctor lifted the garment, letting the fabric melt into his fingertips and just hang in his hangs. He wanted to question to whom it belonged but held his tongue - the look of equal confusion put a stopper in his train of thought, along with the now softened gaze of adoration the Timelord had adopted. It was as though he was transfixed - the boyish gleam in his green eyes was back, a little diluted as he noted his adam's apple quiver with his lips.

Rory's brow furrowed in anticipation, taken a little aback by the Doctor's volume of returning to speech "Anyway! This was the console room when that body was about, and the one previous, both regenerations took place here. The Tardis couldn't handle it - she exploded somewhat, didn't help that I didn't want to regenerate" he babbled in a way only he did "Felt as though it defined me that form" he stated quietly, as though coming to the realization himself.

"You say a human version of yourself..." Rory began, slowly nearing the Timelord who was now fingering the shirt once more. He approached with caution, eyes flickering around the suddenly meaningful space...did he belong..." Rory paused, realizing that it was a woman's top the Doctor was studying with an intensity "Did he belong with the owner of-?"

Rory's voice trailed off as he stood over him, coming to a halt "Yes" the Doctor answer answered before the question had been asked.

There was clearly a lot to the story of this woman and the Doctor. Clearly she'd traveled with him but the overwhelming love in this man's eyes told him that it was more than a mere friend or acquaintance. It was fierce and burning so much so that it looked as though it consumed him completely.

Rory sat, silently "You couldn't be with her?" he attempted, led by concern and intrigue. To learn something about the Doctor that he didn't know already or that Amy had told him seemed to lift this veil of mystery and made him seem more human.

The Doctor felt his weighted hearts numbly beat an erratic rhythm, he'd never spoken about this to anyone and although having a detailed conversation with Rory in his head and actually vaguely conveying the anger and guilt he was burdened with felt good. He knew that she didn't belong in this new dynamic of his life - no matter how much he wanted her to be there.

"I don't _fit_ anymore" the Doctor concluded.

Rory's face absolved into some unfathomable expression - he couldn't gather why the Doctor, the man who fought for everyone else didn't fight for himself...his own love? Rory would fight to the ends of time if it meant he could keep Amy safe.

"Rory!"

The pair's head's flickered apart to the door, through which Amy barged through "There you are!"

Rory looked at the Doctor once more who had simply smirked with a snuff of air "Oh you got it back!" she beamed, skipping toward them.

"Indeed, just a test run to get the pool and library back" the Doctor concealed, thrusting his precious piece of fabric into his pocket and standing up "And I'll sort out the bunk beds now" he continued, nodding his head to Rory in a gesture to leave.

"Ohh brilliant!" Amy smiled, taking her baffled husband's hand "You okay?" she asked him as he continued to stare at the Doctor "What's wrong?"

"Nothing?" Rory answered, as the Doctor pleaded with his eyes for confidentiality.

"Doctor?" Amy pressed, going over to him "I am sorry about the Tardis" she said sincerely, meeting his troubled green "Are you going to be alright?"

"Fine. I'm always fine" the Doctor responded, feeling himself lapsing into an old conversation after a trip to 18th Century France.

"Good" Amy beamed, returning to Rory's grasp and leading him off.

It was only once Rory was out the door that it dawned on him, the Doctor already had. Fought that is. Now he couldn't assume the ins and outs of it but he could tell that he'd battled and risked so much of himself to such an extent that only she'd mattered. So when it came down to it, he'd somehow done what was best for her - her safety was what he'd been striving for and he'd granted it. Needless to say it was without him.

Rory, turned back for a moment tuning out Amy's chatter for a moment, unnerved by the prospect that he'd perhaps have to go through that decision himself. A newfound admiration for the Doctor hit him back into reality, along with Amy's tightening grip on his hand as they reached their room.

"I love you" he said, cutting his wife off.

"Love you too Ror-" she returned, taken aback by his sudden proclamation only to have his lips silence hers.

Meanwhile the Doctor slowly pulled out the precious shirt and held it to his nose - inhaling that wonderful scent that had never faded from his dreams. A wave of peace washed over him, subduing the aching that had tormented his body since he'd entered this room earlier. He daren't say what he'd failed to now. These lips hadn't earned the right to even utter name. No, the only part of him that had been through it all was his mind - and there she would stay.

It was a mistake retrieving this room, he didn't belong "It's not right" he mumbled to himself, lips skimming the blue fabric.

In that instant he was transported back to the current bridge, the sensation of cotton still present as a smile appeared.

"You and me old girl, we'll never forget" he vowed, stroking the console in promise.


End file.
